My Mother

Now, my mom is an artist. My mom, once upon a time, loved fashion. She wound up pregnant at 16 and never got to pursue her talents. It was her choice, of course, to take the dangerous direction that lead to my oldest brother being born and 5 others thereafter.

I could never put into words how to explain why my mother resented us, as if it were our fault she didn't use any protection, until I saw the movie "Mother."  At the end of the movie the oldest son, who's a renowned author, realizes why his mother isn't affectionate, critical and not supportive. He finds her journals in a closet full of stories... great stories that she never tried to get published because her husband didn't want her to have a career.  He tells his mother "That past is a plot over our lives. You raised children that you hated for ruining your life and killing the chances of doing the one thing you loved".

What my mother doesn't realize, or perhaps does and resents it, is that her artistry carried on in her children and grandchildren. I believe she didn't want us to develop it out of jealousy and resent those of us who did pursue our gifts. My younger brother could draw well. He never received encouragement, let alone direction into pursuing it and never did... skill wasted! I love photography and videography. I showed her some of my work last time she was here and she never gave me one word of encouragement or said good job. One of her grandsons is a talented artist and plays guitar. All of her granddaughter's are artistic as well. One is a Fashion Designer and another just plain loves fashion. One, like myself, loves photography and yet another is studying to be an Interior Decorator. They too will never hear her say "Good job" or "you're good at that".